Introducing..

Declan Craig Braswell

Born 11/22/10 at 8:24am

8 pounds 6 ounces, 21 inches.
Proud parents: Patrick and Karen
Big Brother: Liam Joseph

Hairless Halloween

I'm still waiting for hair. Why does it seem like my husband's hair grows an inch a week and mine doesn't seem to grow at all? And now, my eyelashes and eyebrows are gone too. It did make it nice for Halloween. I could go as Uncle Fester from the Adams Family without even having to "dress up". We had a fun time with Harry "Leigh" Potter and the rest of the Gryffindor "Reece" Family.

I've had my consultation with the plastic surgeon but a surgery date is still to be determined. Both the plastic surgeon and the surgical oncologist have to coordinate schedules. Hopefully, it won't be too long.

This past week I have been back in the Washington DC area. Elizabeth had her back surgery on 11/1 and "Mom" came to help. The surgery went well and she is expecting a speedy recovery. Also, she received notification on Friday that she passed the NY Bar!! Great news!!

As luck would have it, on Friday I missed the first snowfall of the season in the NC mountains. I am a snow lover and I seem to always miss the snow. The temperatures will be back in the 60's when I get home on Monday 11/8.

Only 2 weeks until my newest grandson arrives. Pictures will be posted.

Anything but....PINK

October is almost over and I'm spending the end of the month at a lovely place with beautiful fall colors. Nothing pink about them. It's hard not to know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and pink is the chosen representative color. All of that is nice but, as the month ends, I can't help but wonder about a couple of things. Why, after all of these years, is it even necessary to still "find a cure". And, are too many profiting from the "power of pink"? There seem to be so many pink "breast cancer" items for sale. All promising to to donate anywhere from a few cents to few dollars of the purchase price to breast cancer research. I'm thinking that more than a few dollars go toward their "bottom line". Enough said.

I am at the Kripalu center, resting and rejuvenating. I've taken lovely walks in the woods, eaten healthy food and had several healing arts sessions which include massages and facials. On my walk to the lake yesterday, I passed many maple trees with their fallen leaves along the path. These leaves were from the type of maple that were in my childhood school yard and had a fragrance that I hadn't smelled in years. Instant transport back in time. I gathered a few pretty ones like I used to do as a child and pressed them in my journal. I'm trying hard to live in the moment but memories of the past are wonderful too.

On a sad note, I pay tribute to my cousin Susan Benton Small who died on Friday 10/22/2010. She was a remarkable, strong woman and my inspirational role model through chemotherapy. She will be missed.

Autumn Arrives

Fall arrived quickly this year. It might just seem that way to me because my summer was a blur. The leaves have started turning but are less dramatic than in years past and the last of my fall raspberries are ripening on the vine. I always miss my berries in the winter and look forward to their return in the summer.

Last week, I made an unplanned trip to the Washington DC area. My daughter, Elizabeth, was hospitalized for a couple of days with a ruptured disc and for pain management. I tried to be Momma the "Rescue Ranger" but didn't have the strength to do much more than drive her home from the hospital and to drug stores and grocery stores. She is managing to continue her classes at George Washington University, after an epidural, but still requires quite a bit of pain medication.

While I was in DC, my son Patrick was taken to the ER in Asheville, by ambulance, for a possible broken ankle. ( I say, what are my children trying to do to me?) By some miracle, although at the time it looked like a probable fracture, it is only a severe sprain. It was quite swollen so he had to be on crutches for a few days. He's still uncomfortable and that is limiting what he can and needs to do to get ready for the new baby in Nov. I know that must frustrating.

It's now a little over 3 weeks since I completed chemotherapy. I have to admit that I'm being impatient. I really thought that I'd feel "fantastic" by now. Hasn't happened yet. Any day now, I'm sure. I've been lax on my exercising lately and I know that exercise is important in regaining strength. The cooler temperatures in the morning have sure been an easy excuse to put off my walks.

My consultation with the plastic surgeon has had to rescheduled a couple of times. I will see him on Nov. 2nd and expect surgery to be shortly thereafter. But, it is very important that I'm feeling well by Nov. 22nd when my new grandson is due to arrive.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and all the fund raising will hopefully help to find The Cure. I missed the Paint it Pink rally at Pack Square in Asheville while I was in DC, but I did purchase items and have officially participated in "the wearing of the pink".

I am still scheduled for a rest and relaxation trip to the Kripalu Center in MA, Oct 24-27th. I had imagined myself doing lots of hiking, yoga and exercise. Silly me. My goals are now more realistic: rest, read, jacuzzi, massage, facial, healthy food and did I say rest?

Chemo + Ten

It's official, Chemo is over. The last treatment was 10 days ago.
I met with my Surgical Oncologist, Nathan Williams MD, last Thursday for follow up and to plan for the future. Although he would strongly encourage me to continue in the clinical trial, he supports my decision to opt out. We made a plan to schedule and coordinate surgery with a plastic surgeon, Dr. Conway. They will work together on the surgery and reconstruction. We are thinking mid November. Time is needed for all of the chemicals to get out of my system. That will give me time to enjoy my Kripalu retreat, a gift from my daughter Jennie. Kripalu is a yoga center in Lenox, MA. They offer seminars, yoga, tai chi, meditation, nature walks, massage and so much more. A place to really rest and rejuvenate. I will be R & R ing the end of Oct.
After surgery, my newest grandchild will be born (11/22). Joy trumps discomfort!
More good news. I do not need radiation because my tumor was small and the lymph nodes were negative. That's a relief! Other than for surgery, I will be seen at the Hope Center only about every 6 months.
Now, I just go back to being normal? ( Right! Funny!) All I have to do is get my strength back, have my mouth heal, grow hair, grow eyelashes, and hope that food will, someday, taste good. Shouldn't take long........
There is a Paint it Pink Rally at Pack Square in Asheville next Thursday (10/7) from 4:30 to 7:00p. I don't wear pink and have nothing that color in my wardrobe but I just ordered my first pink shirt. I plan to be there and be part of this effort to find a cure. Breast Cancer should be something that we only read about in history books, like the Black Plague or Scurvy.
October is Breast Cancer Month. Please get your mammograms and do your self breast exams. It can save your life!

My last Chemo... Where's the Bubble(s)?

Today was my last Taxol treatment and I've looked forward to it for so long. I have seen many women end their chemo and the staff make a nice announcement and anoint them with bubbles. I was so "psyched" for that today. The infusion went well and I had nice conversations with the nurses. They are great. One did confess that, at first, she was not looking forward to taking care of me because I'm a nurse. Nurses can be difficult patients. (Still way better than Doctors, I'm sure). Apparently, I passed the "nurse acid test" and was told that I was a good patient and a pleasure to care for. A very nice compliment.

The infusion finally ended and NO bubbles. What? Why? Did I count wrong? Do something wrong?

None of the above. It has to do with a clinical trial that I enrolled in voluntarily. After all, I am a nurse. We are altruistic and want to help the greater cause yada, yada...

The trial was unblinded a few weeks ago and I found out that I did not receive a placebo. I did in fact receive Bevacizumab at intervals during my chemo treatment. Good, right? Every little thing helps that might prevent metastasis. Here's the irony of it all. The group to which I was randomly assigned is scheduled to continue in 2 months with 10 more Bevacizumab infusions every 3 weeks. That's over 30 more weeks of "chemo". I truly thought that I'd get placebo or the 8 doses along with my regular chemo. It never crossed my mind that I'd be in the group to receive more. When I win, I lose.

Definitely, not in my plans for the next 7+ months or my life for that matter. I have places to go, people to see and things to do. I am planning on surgery (mastectomies) which can't be done while on this medication because it hinders wound healing and with that had planned to avoid radiation which is a requirement of the study. Both Bevacizumab and radiation can cause significant problems with your heart and I'm not prepared for that.

I've been scouring the internet for any clear evidence of the benefits of Bevacizumab and there isn't much so this study is about discovering if there are any long term benefits. I'm trying to weigh the risks versus the benefits. Risks keep winning but what if it turns out to be the "big cure" and I missed the boat?

I think that I see a consultation and maybe a second opinion in the near future.

So no Bubbles today and my own Bubble has definitely burst!!!

Happy, Happy and Happy!

Today is my birthday, my husband's birthday and our anniversary. It can't get much better than that!!! We had a great day. Went out to lunch and then to Asheville to see a cute movie: Flipped. A coming of age movie resembling the television series, The Wonder Years. Lots of music from the late 50's and early 60's which brought back so many memories. We were treated to lunch by Ashley and invited a neighbor, Judy. to join our table. Lovely company.
I'm getting my "chemo" bag ready for the last time. My pillow and blanket are packed. Next will be my computer, then book and then my snack. It is still hard to comprehend that tomorrow is my last Taxol treatment. Does that mean that I might actually start growing hair again?