Today was my last Taxol treatment and I've looked forward to it for so long. I have seen many women end their chemo and the staff make a nice announcement and anoint them with bubbles. I was so "psyched" for that today. The infusion went well and I had nice conversations with the nurses. They are great. One did confess that, at first, she was not looking forward to taking care of me because I'm a nurse. Nurses can be difficult patients. (Still way better than Doctors, I'm sure). Apparently, I passed the "nurse acid test" and was told that I was a good patient and a pleasure to care for. A very nice compliment.
The infusion finally ended and NO bubbles. What? Why? Did I count wrong? Do something wrong?
None of the above. It has to do with a clinical trial that I enrolled in voluntarily. After all, I am a nurse. We are altruistic and want to help the greater cause yada, yada...
The trial was unblinded a few weeks ago and I found out that I did not receive a placebo. I did in fact receive Bevacizumab at intervals during my chemo treatment. Good, right? Every little thing helps that might prevent metastasis. Here's the irony of it all. The group to which I was randomly assigned is scheduled to continue in 2 months with 10 more Bevacizumab infusions every 3 weeks. That's over 30 more weeks of "chemo". I truly thought that I'd get placebo or the 8 doses along with my regular chemo. It never crossed my mind that I'd be in the group to receive more. When I win, I lose.
Definitely, not in my plans for the next 7+ months or my life for that matter. I have places to go, people to see and things to do. I am planning on surgery (mastectomies) which can't be done while on this medication because it hinders wound healing and with that had planned to avoid radiation which is a requirement of the study. Both Bevacizumab and radiation can cause significant problems with your heart and I'm not prepared for that.
I've been scouring the internet for any clear evidence of the benefits of Bevacizumab and there isn't much so this study is about discovering if there are any long term benefits. I'm trying to weigh the risks versus the benefits. Risks keep winning but what if it turns out to be the "big cure" and I missed the boat?
I think that I see a consultation and maybe a second opinion in the near future.
So no Bubbles today and my own Bubble has definitely burst!!!
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